Posts Tagged personal

I've been thinking about the role of comfort and convenience in our lives for quite a while. Certainly there are many facets that could be explored here: the decisions we make in our lives, the way we choose to interact with each other, but also the way we assign judgement to these concepts. It's good if something is convenient. Being comfortable is nice and to be striven for, but at the same time we should break out of our comfort zones, and expend effort in the face of convenience.

I fully realise how gauche it is to begin an article or any kind of prose with a famous quote, but I hope you'll indulge me in this instance. I do genuinely believe that it gives a nice entry point for a series of thoughts that have been swirling around in my head for a good while now.

In addition to my recent journey with SRS I've now also undergone "Facial Feminisation Surgery" (FFS). As before, I thought it might be of interest to others to hear about how everything leading up to it, the procedure, and the recovery went for me. Same as before, too, this is extremely specific to my particular locality and unique pile of bones. FFS in general is sort of a grab-bag of terms, and the extent of what's being done for it varies a lot from person to person. I've been told my corrections were very minor in comparison to others.

It doesn't take any kind of genius to figure out that every one of us is dependent on hundreds, thousands, millions of other people. As a civilisation we've only come this far because we've managed to connect with each other and continue to exchange everything that we produce, from energy to materials to ideas, concepts, and procedures. We all depend on the expertise of doctors and care personnel, on the food and produce of farmers, on drivers and delivery people to get it to where it's needed, on those around us to keep us company. There's hardly any step in our lives that we make that isn't influenced by and dependent on others.

I've recently had the privilege and the displeasure of going through SRS. Well, I'm still currently going through it as you'll see. Whatever the case, I thought it would be interesting to some other folks out there what the procedure has been like and what all has been involved. Naturally, all of this is quite specific to my particular locality, and also my particular, ~unique~ pile of trash that is my body.

It happens frequently enough that a conversation in some online chatroom veers over to the question of privacy in the modern world, and especially to the willingness people have to share oodles of their often very personal information with complete strangers online. I certainly appreciate and understand the fears of oversharing, after all there are a lot of very dangerous people out there that, if they decide to do so, can absolutely hugely impact if not ruin your life entirely. Despite this, I somehow can't help myself.

If you've read any of my preceding entries I would expect it to come as no surprise to you to see me write "accepting who you are is really difficult." Though today I want to write about a few different facets of that than just the one you may be thinking about right now.

I don't like sleeping. I like the idea of sleep, but the practise of it seems all too often fraught with issues for me. I do consider myself fortunate that I don't suffer from any major sleeping disabilities like insomnia, but my quality of sleep is nevertheless far from ideal, despite adhering to a rather strict and regular sleeping schedule.

It's been a long time since I wrote anything just for myself. There's been updates here, but they've all been either for Kandria, or of a very technical nature, to announce things to the few out there that land in the nichest of niche intersections. Thanks for reading, by the way!

After an excruciating two months of impending exam, I now finally have proper holidays; time during which I don't need to do anything in particular. No deadlines, no requirements. And yet, I can't seem to relax. Why?

Man, it's been a good while since I sat down and wrote one of these whine entries. Well, I guess it's time again. It being such a long time since I last had to write about something like this naturally seems like a good thing, but I think matters are a bit more complicated than that. I suppose I should elaborate on that.

I'm not sure how far back it goes exactly, but I think it's been now about a year or more since I started doubting my skills heavily. More heavily than usual. Anything I attempt to do either slips out of my hands and ends up a shoddy mess, and even if it doesn't it feels like a flimsy rehash of something I've already done before. There's no improvement to be seen, no end in sight, no goal reached.

It's been a good while since I last wrote an entry. I didn't write anything all January for a multitude of reasons, at the forefront being that it was exam season again. That's over with now, fortunately, so I do have some more time on my hands to goof off. Unfortunately though, I only have one more week left of this precious “free” time before university strikes me in the back again. I best use it wisely.

Well, here we are. Here we are again. About three weeks ago another semester of university began for me. Since then I've been feeling a lack of interest and motivation in most things. None of the projects that are open right now seem inviting or exciting to me, and I don't know what to do.

It's late in the evening and I'm not feeling all too jolly. About an hour ago I was once again frustrated with my drawing attempts as I had failed to produce anything whatsoever in an entire hour. I decided that it was enough. I am broken.

I thought it might be worthwhile to write about what I've been up to in recent times. Especially in terms of software projects it's been rather quiet from my side, and that's mostly because the things I've been working on require a lot of time and effort before I would dare to release them for public use. There's also been a lot of turmoil in my life again, which has disrupted my ability to really push ahead.

It's Once More Time to talk about myself and my troubles for a bit. Not because I want anyone to listen or to care, but merely because I need to do something –anything to at least find some peace within myself. Writing seems to let me at least vent some of my frustrations, even if not by much. So, even though I would've liked to have a much bigger gap of informative and nice articles between this and my last lamenting post, I guess it'll be as it has to.

It's been a while since I updated this blog, let alone with personal stuff. To cut to the chase: right now, I'm not doing very well at all. I haven't been doing well since last Friday when I was once more pulled into the abyss of self loathing.

It's past midnight and I'm not feeling all to happy with myself. So, what better time than this to write a confession. After all, this was initially supposed to be another daily thing so it won't matter if it is more on the short side of things than usual.

It's been a while since I've made a blog about my personal life, even though I recall promising that I would. So, I suppose it can't hurt to quickly summarise what's been going on, and what will most likely be going on in the near future.

A while back I realized a rather unsettling, but very obvious truth about how the human mind works. It at least gave me an explanation as to why I've been struggling with motivation myself. This blog is about this truth and my way of dealing with it so far.