img(:title Raegonomics!){http://img.tymoon.eu/img//suiseiseki/Traditional/e92678591f5857839e992a1e1e4fad4a.jpg} I'm trying to learn the Hiragana, but it's just not working out. I have two explanations as to why this is. ****
Explanation One I'm just retarded and can't simply memorize things. That's it, end of explanation.
Explanation Two My brain is not suited for this task. What I basically mean by this can be interpreted in two ways: 1) I'm too smart 2) I think differently. I'd rather not imply the former. So let's just say I think differently than The Average Person™. While this sounds a bit pretentious, it would, aside from why I'm shit at memorizing stuff, also explain why some people think I'm some kind of hyper intelligent “wunderkind” and why others think I'm a fucking asshole. However, I'm not vain enough to actually think that this is a reason because it would just be a convenient excuse for me to be a dick to others. I'd rather say I'm a piece of shit than use that excuse.
Anyway, let me explain what I mean by “thinking different”. No, I don't mean I think like Apple. Fuck that company. What I mean by this is that my brain isn't very good at simply remembering a direct association of things. I like to call it “optimization”. Because that implies it's something good, while it's often not. I guess I should call it “I got too many hot irons in my fire-syndrome”. But that's too long, so fuck it. Anyway, my brain likes to “optimize” tasks and do the least amount of work possible so it can quickly get to the next thing that it has on its endless to do list. When doing normal things, this is profitable, because it means I'm efficient at what I do. When trying to memorize something, it's not. What my mind does is that it refuses to commit the association into long-term memory because it doesn't see any direct use in doing so. I suppose I could learn things just fine if I were to actually use them, by either thinking, talking or writing. Since what I'm doing here is plain and simply character memorization, my mind sees no direct further use and only reluctantly saves it permanently. So, I have a shit time trying to memorize all these damn characters. Now, you might say “Well, then try to associate it with something that you already know!” And yes, associating things with what you already know works for some people. Not for me, unfortunately. I don't know why, but associating stuff with pictures or making a memory hook or whatnot just doesn't work for me. Believe me, I tried. I've been studying languages for 8 years now and it never worked out. “Well how about you simply learn the characters through words and sentences then? Wouldn't that give it a ‘purpose’?” Yes it would, but no it doesn't work. Why? Because it takes way too fucking long to do it this way. I have to constantly look the characters up. This brings the danger of me memorizing the characters not for what they are, but for where they are on the reference sheet. You might think that's dumb and yes, yes it is dumb. But that's what my brain does. Rather than memorizing the information itself, it memorizes where it can get the information. This does make sense usually, since being able to reference things quickly is better than having to rely on your forgetful and often inaccurate memory. So there you have it. A bit of self-reflection on an aspect of my mind.
Either way, you might be asking: Why are you writing this shit? The answer is quite simply that I've had a piss poor evening (as well as some poor days previously), which is also why I'm swearing so god damn much in this blog entry, but I don't give a fuck and neither should you. The main cause of this shit evening is that I feel like a retard for not even being able to memorize simple shit. I'm not advancing fast enough and I don't give a shit if you think that I shouldn't stress myself as much or whatever. Some of you who know me better also know that usually I don't write about this shit because I either just sit it through or get it out of my head by blasting my ears full with music for some time. Loud music and short concentration usually manages to fix my mental problems, but this time it only did once, and not fully, and after a short set-back it didn't work at all anymore. So here I am, stuck with a shit mood and no will to do anything. That's why you had to read through this pile of horse shit. Because I felt like shit, so you might as well too.
Now fuck off, I need to cry more about being a piece of shit and I need to just repeat these damn characters a bajillion times even if it kills me. So in essence, see you in hell, I'll be dead by tomorrow. img(:title I still love you guys though. You glorious faggots.){http://img.tymoon.eu/img/suiseiseki/Traditional/9b614f53872d31ae7d2b1996baa59a14.jpg}
Written by shinmera